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The myth of the sexual woman…

January 28, 2010

When I was younger and had questions about sex…I looked at porn. What did I see? Wesley Pipes yelling commands at some poor woman. Women going out of their mind with pleasure for men that were doing a whole lot of NOTHING.

Needless to say my story of sex and love has been more trial and error than anything.

The only lessons I had in sex from my mother were the typical and cliché ‘Keep your Legs closed’ or ‘Wait until you get married’. My mother was trapped in between wanting me to stay a little girl and wanting to see me blossom into a grown woman. I honestly think she was embarrassed to tell me anything about sex, not that I blame her, in my family, sex or anything related to sex is kept on the hush.

When I was pushed out into this world, my motto was ‘Be the Good girl.’ Sex was not for women, more of a tool of gratification for men. I would hear hushed talks in college dorms, you know the typical ‘GIRRRRL so and so put it on me last night’ or ‘Such and such has the BEST dick’ But even compliments were related towards the man and what he did for the woman. The first time I had sex, I wondered to myself is this what EVERYONE has been raving about? I felt a bit like Celie and Massa..he got on top of me and ‘did his business’. I had no idea how to move, what to do to make my experience as good as his was, I was completely dependent upon being directed and since myself and the other party were foolishly young he offered little insight.

So lets fast forward to my first ‘grown up relationship’.

I will call him Mr. X

So the first time myself and Mr. X had sex, the afterglow was more of a confused mess. I was 18. He was 25. He was puzzled at the fact that I did not offer to do oral, did not seem to be enjoying myself. I felt myself turning red with pure embarrassment.

Blankets clenched tight to my body to hide any imperfection that I was convinced was there I shyly questioned him.

‘It wasn’t good?’ I asked. I must have looked like a shy little girl. A deer caught in the headlights.

‘You still have your shirt on Bre. You wouldn’t let me take it off.’

‘Yeah, well i dont really like to take my shirt off during sex.’

He looked even MORE confused.

‘Your body is beautiful.’

NOBODY had EVER told me that before. EVER.

I sat there with a dumb ass smile on my face. Still not sure exactly what to do.

I waited with him. Until I was comfortable. Well at least I thought I was comfortable. I called myself loving this man yet i did not trust him enough for him to see me fully nude. What he said and did next would forever change the way I viewed sex.

‘Your pussy is GREAT but you dont know how to fuck. You only know how to GET fucked.

As brash as his opinion was…he was right…Nobody taught me how to go for mine. How to go after and achieve the type of sex that I wanted. From everything I ‘learned’ from my friends i just thought i was supposed to lay there.

Mr. X pulled my chin up and looked me in the eyes. He kissed me. I was still hot from blushing.

He made me stand in front of him and undress. Fully stark naked. (He assured me we all had flaws…even poking fun at his ‘moobs’)

Then he kissed every part of me, he asked questions. He asked me what turned me on, asked for input. Told me that If I don’t speak up he will never know what I want. We went on and on like this just playing with each other, getting to know one another for the rest of the night…Its still one of my fondest memories to this day.

That night I had my first orgasm.

Maybe not that night, but during the course of our relationship I slowly begun growing into myself. Sexuality is something you have to grow in to. Something that you and your partners mold. I have been fortunate enough to expand my mind and shed the myth that sex is for men. Now, some of you will read this and perhaps think that my sexual awakening should have been a bit less rude… but I would have to go in to the dynamics of that relationship…which I wont do… No matter how it happened…Im just glad it did. That night I got the key to unlock myself.

I dont want you to think that sexuality is ONLY sex either but when you start to get what you want…you start to step a little prettier, Hold your head a little higher, exude sexual confidence…all are pieces to the puzzle.

I LOVE SEX. But more than sex, I love my SEXUALITY.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 27, 2012 2:43 pm


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