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February 5, 2010

I know I shouldn’t be doing this.

Going through his things but I get a pass this time. I know he has been with her. I smell her. Fury is not even the word or emotion that I feel. I have to know why he LOVES her. He swears he LOVES her. My head is swimming. I SMELL her. When he slips in my bed late at night and gives me a goodnight kiss, I taste her. I see them together it plays in my mind over and over again. I don’t know if I am jealous, because I am losing him. Honestly, I have already let him go.

What is he telling her? What could he possibly be telling her? Why would he tell her that he loves her? She is not his.

Does he get on top of her and push himself inside of her? Is he welcome or does she fight? Is she ashamed? She knows what she is doing is not right….Or does she accept him? Take him closely and kiss him deep? Grind her hips into his….making her love just a bit deeper for him? Does she laugh with him? Doesn’t he know she is NOT his?

She has the nerve to touch whats mine. Only because it will hurt me, she does not love him, but I bet she puts on a show.

“Ooo I love THIS dick. Baby you feel Sooo good to me…please baby don’t stop fucking me”

She cares nothing for him. She only is out to destroy me.

Once upon a time we laid as lovers, whispering promises, sharing kisses…once long ago. I couldn’t turn my back on everything I loved just so I could wake up next to her…So I had to part ways….

She knows men are the weaker sex and easily breaks them down. She destroys what I try to build.

I just want to live a vanilla life, Husband, Kids, 2.5 children.

As long as she knows I still love her, and she still loves me, this will never end.

Jackpot. In his gym bag. A note for me.

“Baby I will ALWAYS be here when you change your mind”

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