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A cheap man, and other things that dry my pussy right up.

January 28, 2011

Good Evening Ladies and Gents 🙂

Now.

I usually dont speak on my personal experiences but tonight you are in for a treat.

So. If you didn’t know I am single and dating. LOVING dating life except for the few creeps that creep in.  Let me tell you about his nigga.

So. We shall call him Mr. SmoothTalker. You know the type. You meet,  you see potential, his conversations is so wonderful… so smooth, so intriguing! He is SO interesting! He looks good, he smells good… he is SO good on paper so whats wrong with him right?

RIGHT?

Well. How about Mr. SmoothTalker becomes Mr. STFU RIGHT NOW PLEASE.

Let me give you some etiquette for a date men. DO NOT offend her within the first five minutes of the date.

He asks if I have any children, I say yes, I have a beautiful four year old little girl. He says ‘oh’. Well.. I dont believe in having children out of wedlock, its against my religion.

For serious nigga?

Soooo why are you out with my immoral ass? LMAO.

Okay so then the waiter comes and takes our drink order. I order a martini and a glass of water. He looks at me, then looks the waiter in the eye and goes ‘Ma’am HOW MUCH IS HER MARTINI GOING TO COST?’

I wanted to fall the fuck out of my chair.

Seriously? I cant drink on a date that is after 7:00pm? You worried about how much its gonna cost?

I debated walking out right that instant… but I wanted my drink…

So… I order and I can see the $$$$$$$$$ adding up in his head. So JUST to be a bitch I ordered a steak.

As we began to talk (and he began to brag) about his goals in life etc. etc. etc… I could hear his pocket vibrating. His phone rang NON FUCKING STOP all night. I made up a story in his head that his girlfriend Traneisha was calling him to see where he was at. I was bored. How could this dude be so exhilarating over the phone yet so fucking boring and full of himself in person? Beats me.

So then, I did the rudest shit ever. I excused myself to the bathroom and walked right out the fucking door.

Yes. I am a bitch.

I bet he didn’t even leave a tip.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. January 30, 2011 7:32 pm

    The wrong thing was wrong with him

  2. Addison permalink
    February 2, 2011 6:45 pm

    Loved this you really are a good raconteur you should write a book.?

  3. February 17, 2011 1:49 am

    Wow. Just…Wow.

  4. VanB permalink
    February 18, 2011 4:13 pm

    This was funnnny and the only question left to ask is.. was his name Steven because I think I went out on a date with this cat. You did what needed to be done!

  5. October 20, 2011 1:43 am

    LmaO you did the right thing. I cannot stand guys like that

  6. December 27, 2012 2:07 pm

    LMAO. Haha

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